If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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