How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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