were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
