dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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