I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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