he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize