Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
