I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Drake has all the answers
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
