none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
