Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
