You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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