where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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