you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize