No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
