Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
