just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize