i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
