you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
