He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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