Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I touched a dick in church today
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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