I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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