I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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