She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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