You're so nebulous sometimes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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