Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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