Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
