i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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