the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
