my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize