just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just high enough for therapy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
