After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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