I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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