Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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