just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
