No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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