I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
