Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
