i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
