Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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