I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
