Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
