i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
