I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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