twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
