Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize