this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
