sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
