Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize