The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
