Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
