Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
