I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
