You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
