Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
