Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
