yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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