i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize