I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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