how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
