she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
