Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Pooping to opera.
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