well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pants are for mortals
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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