you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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