Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i think i just lost a toe
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
