I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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