There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
