Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize