a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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