Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize