Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The adults are the big ones right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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