Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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