You're my little dorito
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
