Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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