1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
