So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize