SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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