Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
