I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We left the knife in your bed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think people are normalizing furries
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
