Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
