youre lurking in front of me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
